honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
COCAINE IS GR8
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
