I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
