Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
