when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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