I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
