I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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