Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
