my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
