I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
