i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
