She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
