i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
