can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
