He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
