She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
But theres a keg here and me gusta
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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