no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
