Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
