Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
