I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
