our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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