you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
