I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
