i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
