my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
