3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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