People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
