He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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