Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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