Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
