Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Too much gin, very little bucket
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
