How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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