everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
NoShamevember. You game?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
