GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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