FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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