Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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