just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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