I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
