Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Me too!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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