Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize