he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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