I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
