I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
