the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
