remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
