shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
