Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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