he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
