her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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