so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
