tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
